As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
