I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
