There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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