38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
