I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
