he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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