pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
