Dude my mom stole all your condoms
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
