I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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