dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
