I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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