Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
