the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
