Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
