I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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