Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
