i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
