I wish I only lived at night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
