i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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