the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
