I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
