i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
