He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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