Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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