i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
