plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
