I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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