We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
