I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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