How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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