I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
