I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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