Im at strip club and am horny
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
