It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
