I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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