you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
