My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
