God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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