Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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