If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did not marry a roomba.
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