I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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