I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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