covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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