dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
