My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
