The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
