I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
