remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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