Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
