That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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